What I've Learned
by Moonlight1blue
Summary: A quick new years one shot where Azula talks about her time in the mental institution and Ty Lee visits her.


New Years is a time to celebrate. People spend it laughing, hugging, dancing, all kinds of things. But I spend it locked up. Who cares about a new year when you know it will be spent doing exactly the same thing you did last year? And even worse, that thing would be _nothing_. I mean, I do things, yes, but nothing fun. All I do is sit around and unwillingly go to therapy and take all kinds of medicines. The medicines don't do anything, of course, because there's nothing wrong with me.

I am completely normal, but my dear brother, on the other hand, isn't… at least that's what I keep telling myself. I think I'm completely sane… but everyone I once trusted and even merely cared about believes otherwise. Especially my mother. She thinks I'm a monster.

I knew in ways I was a monster, but what else did everyone expect me to be? I am the Princess of the Fire Nation; I was shaped to be as I am. I was born into royalty and being that you must make decisions and people must fear you. That's one of the things I have learned throughout my life.

I have also learned that when people fear you they do what you want. When they do what you want, you have no need to fear them; and when there is no reason to fear them, life is much easier. But when one person steps up to you, when one person grows weary of your tyranny, it is quite possible others will follow. That is why you must have no limit to your power. You have to take down any threat before it becomes strong. That is how I faltered with my brother.

You see, I had many chances to destroy the imbecile but I never did. I felt it would be wrong, being that he was my brother. But eventually I did realize he was a threat when he joined the Avatar and set out to kill him… but I was too late. He had surprise on his side, along with his little group. And I had nothing. I had lost the two people that cared for me. But what do I care about them? They betrayed me! My two best friends who were supposed to defend me! Mai chose my brother over me, and Ty Lee, seeing that Mai had the guts to stand up to me, followed her like a lost puppy.

I'm over it, though. I'm used to people picking my brother over me. My mother always favored him… and many people found him to be more charming and kind then me until he was banished. I relished the day he was banished. Enough competitiveness and fighting; I was now the golden child. Of course, I had always been the golden child in my father's eyes.

Another thing I've learned is that you can never trust anybody. If you do let your guard down, I have come to learn that they _will _betray you. They will walk right out of your life and leave you all by yourself, having no intention of coming back and not caring about you one bit. I would never admit it to any other person on this planet, but it hurt. It hurt me a lot.

I suppose what I'm saying is I've learned a lot, but the biggest thing I've learned is… once you ruin every relationship with every person you've ever cared about, you start to lose your grip on reality and what's important. You begin to realize that without those people in your life, there are fewer reasons to continue to live. You realize that you are truly a monster, and your choices have led you to where you are now. At first you deny it, but sitting alone all day every day in complete solitude, you have a lot of time to think. And even though I could never admit it or even try and say it out loud, I know I'm lonely.

I feel as if I've descended into the deepest, darkest hole and may never resurface and see the light again. I'm not sure if I will ever escape this institution my brother, Zuko, had me stuck in. They tell me it's for my own good. Who are they to decide what's good for me? Placing me here, forcing me to live in solitude. Why, if Zuzu loves me as much as they claim, would he make me live this terrible life? I can't understand it, or maybe I just don't want to.

All the things I've learned this past year have changed me. I'm not saying I've changed in ways that would benefit me or any other person, but my thoughts and opinions differ than what they used to. Like one, for example, is that I would do anything to have my friends back. I never thought I would miss them so deeply, but now that they've abandoned me I see that I need them. I'm still a little confused as to my feelings towards my brother. At one point in time I'd wanted him dead, not I'm contemplating whether or not I want him to come see me. My caretaker, who rarely speaks or does anything for that matter, asked me out of the blue one day if I would like Zuzu to come visit. I only shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly.

Something else I have changed about is my opinion towards my father. I have had many long days where I sat, remembering things he has said to me. I think people have the wrong impression of him. They think he is purely evil but do not see that he was raised to be how he is. They don't realized that being Fire Nation royalty requires you to be fit for leadership and that means being cruel. They don't realize that at one point, before my mother left, he was a happy man. People cannot understand that he is too human, like me. But then again, people don't understand me. _I _don't understand myself.

I don't know whether or not this year will bring anything new, part of me wants it to. I'm longing for some kind of change from this terrible place, but I doubt there will be a change. I'm probably just going to be left here, sitting in this room, all alone. Just like I am now. But… wait, I think I heard something.

_**Clunk, clunk, clunk.**_I knew that sound all too well. That was the sound of the guard's boots hitting the cold cement floor. I heard the guard walk to my room and open the door. I leaned against the wall, worried and curious as to why the guard was here.

"You have a visitor," she announced. There was a strange hint of something in her voice. What was it? It seemed like… confusion mixed with amusement. That angered me a bit, but I was too focused on my visitor.

"Who is it? Who came to visit me?" I tried to hide the sound of desperation in my voice, but failed.

"She said her name is Ty Lee," the guard responded.

Ty Lee? Ty Lee came to visit me… Ty Lee came to visit me! What did this mean? Could this possibly mean that I haven't lost everyone, that I might still have one person that cares about me? I didn't know for sure, but I stood up quickly, ready to see her. I wasn't sure what caused her to come, but I quietly promised that I wouldn't trust her; I would only enjoy her company and try to be friends.

I followed the guard through the hall and into the visitation room, a room I had never actually been in. Ty Lee jumped up from her chair and squealed, running over to me and embracing me in a tight hug. I don't know what to expect for the rest of the night- or year, for that matter- but I did know one thing; for the first time since I was put in this horrid place, I felt that warm feeling in my heart. I felt _hope._ And maybe all these things I've learned in my time of solitude mean something. Maybe what I've learned means that I need to learn to appreciate what I've had, because when you have nothing, you regret taking all those small good things for granted. Maybe I don't have to be Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation. Maybe for once in my life, even for one night, I can just forget about my past and present, my pain and sorrow, maybe I can just be normal.


End file.
